But what are YOU guys going to eat?
But what are YOU guys going to eat?

I don’t know why but today I found myself talking about wings, thinking about wings and in fact, wanting to shove a whole bunch of delicious spicy wings into my face.  Maybe because football season is starting and really the only reason I watch football is so that I have an excuse to drink beer and eat like a jerk. Another reason I might be thinking may be due to recent diet and exercise regimens where wings have been a huge no-no along with all kinds of other things that I love to eat.  I AM, however, able to use hot sauce as a condiment so maybe that’s what got me thinking not only about the angriest and spiciest wings but also the most tender and delicious wings.  Now there are many factors by which someone can judge wings and in fact I participate with a group where those factors are calculated using theoretical physics, euclidean geometry and ranch dressing but I’m not here to talk about that today.  I’m here to talk about another factor that is rarely overlooked in most wing discussions and it is quite simply, “Where can I get some cheap delicious wings?” I’ve found it. The holy grail of wing specials compendiums. Now, if for some reason you don’t live in Milwaukee or for god’s sake at least some part of Wisconsin this link will do you little good.  In that case I suggest you either a) cry yourself to sleep every night praying for crisp flavorful wings to come your way, b) abandon your current life and move to Milwaukee (don’t think this hasn’t happened before), or c) try using Google with a really creative search like “Best wing specials in…”.


Good luck, god bless, and happy hunting.

Netflix = Weirder Movies Than Cable

Well, now that we’ve been without cable for quite some time, things have gotten weird.

I think that should pretty much give you the gist without any spoilers.


Today’s weird movie was supposed to be “Dead Snow.”  A Norwegian horror film about Nazi zombies.  Well, it wasn’t any more weird than you would expect a Norwegian horror film about Nazi zombies to be.  In fact, now that I’ve re-read that sentence, you might be underwhelmed about the amount of weirdness because of the elements of Norwegians, Germans, zombies and Nazi’s (they’re separate from Germans…yes they are).  If you like to watch movies with subtitles, this is the movie for you.  There’s a lot of dialogue before everyone gets mutilated by zombies and Norwegian, or whatever language it is, doesn’t sound a shit bit like English except for maybe like ten words which are identical.  Funny how languages are like that.  What I couldn’t help but notice was that almost every movie reference within the movie was to American made movies.  I was like, “Really? Don’t the Norwegians have any great movies that they would reference, I mean other than Nazi zombie movies?”  Well…I guess not.  In any case there’s lots of the usual ripping of flesh and limbs but this happens in the snow with zombies who are Nazi’s and nobody speaks English, so if that’s for you, you should watch it.  I gave it 3 stars because 2 stars means “I didn’t like it” which isn’t entirely true.  3 stars means “I like it” which also isn’t entirely true but since they don’t have a rating for “This is a tolerable way to waste my time as background while I do other things” I gave it three stars.  Now that I think about it maybe 2 stars would have been fair because I had to look up to read every time somebody said something and that may have been more effort than the film deserved.  Also, somebody has sex in an outhouse.

Anyway, that wasn’t even the weird movie.  Next time I’ll review Rubber, a movie about a psychokinetic killer tire.


Get ready for some fashion VIAGRA!!!

Placket-itis, sloppy collar, etc.  Call it what you will but it’s basically the fashion equivalent of impotence.

He's not wearing a shirt is because of his sloppy collar shame.
He’s not wearing a shirt because of his sloppy collar shame.  I’m sure that’s it.

What you wear says a lot about you to other people.  If you want to talk true first impressions, it’s what I’m thinking from the first second I see you, long before you get the chance to defend or further impale yourself by opening your mouth.

Buff or not, I'm thinking...clown.
Buff or not, I’m thinking…clown.

Being dressed for success can have an even bigger impact on the way that you view yourself.  It not only gives you the confidence to bring your ‘A’ game but it keeps you from getting distracted from your real tasks by repeatedly second guessing your appearance.

This is where having some big guns in your fashion arsenal can promote you from Private Doofus to 5-Star General of Style and Class.

Allow me to introduce a newly developed piece of the puzzle.  If you want to look like you’ve got your shit together you need to get in on this from the start.  The new magic bullet is Million Dollar Collar and it’s available on Kickstarter.

Here’s your chance to get a premium product at a significant discount.  These might be a little more than what you’re used to paying at your local fashion outlets but owning a few premium dress shirts is a vastly better strategy than maintaining a whole legion of junk.  I mean that.  Go look at your dress shirts right now and tell me you honestly think that’s the best you can do for yourself.  You deserve better.  Now go get it.



Do something!

It occurred to me recently, as I was reading some other blogs, articles, etc. that if you really want to have something to write about you need to do something.  I mean, nobody wants to read a blog post about nothing, right?  There has to be some kind of initiating action to generate the content.  There has to be some kind of logical flow, some kind of arc to maintain your readers attention…right?  I mean, it probably shouldn’t be a pile of predictable rubbish because it’s not a mainstream movie.  It shouldn’t be some highbrow concept work because nobody pulled out their smart phone on the shitter expecting to read T.S. Eliot’s Notes Towards the Definition of Culture.  

My sudden concern may stem from the realization that my list of activities has largely been shortened to eat, sleep, work, and watch baby.  There are about 1.5 hours where I try to sandwich in socialization, entertainment and fix life but that almost seems ludicrous if I devote 30 minutes to each.  Instead, I like to spend that 90 minutes trapped in a semi-paralyzed state of zero utilization where I’m incapable of relaxing but also incapable of accomplishing anything.  I can’t fully enjoy anything because it would be a betrayal to the things I’m supposed to be doing.  When I choose to do the responsible stuff then I just become irritable at the fact that I’m really robbing myself of the only free time I have left.  I’m freaking holding myself hostage!!!

De-motivational speech over! Everybody at home, remember, to freak right the fuck out is human!


Happy Father’s Day

It’s been a few crazy weeks since I posted last.  We were caught up with getting ready for my son’s first birthday .  An event which was completed with equal parts excitement and relief.  When you have a large party it isn’t just about cleaning up and putting up decorations.  It isn’t just about making sure people are fed or have something to drink.  You want to offer them your very best effort to demonstrate your gratitude for them taking the time to celebrate with you.  That means that unless you happen to be a party planner married to a caterer, boinking a cleaning service, you’re probably going to fall short of your own expectations even if you exceed everyone else’s.

Part of our party “prep” was to clean up all of the landscaping (a task we managed to complete just in time), clean the house top to bottom (cleaning people are expensive so we just did it ourselves) and to get a new floor poured in our garage (not even close).  The heightened level of activity required to pull all of this crazy shit off was difficult to sustain pre-kid.  Now it’s practically impossible.  I am not certain how else to describe the anxiety level I was at the last few days before our guests arrived but for a week after I think I had PTSD.  There is still a drink table set up in my garage, which I suppose comes in handy when you park but can’t wait long enough to get to the basement for something potent.

Since I just didn’t take enough of a self administered beating for the party, I followed it up with major electrical work the very next weekend.  Eight hours of working in a dark basement was bad enough but the fact that it was combined with the threat of being abandoned by modern technology; well that was too much.

Father’s day was my first real break in a while and I kind of wanted to do absolutely nothing.  Now that may sound fantastic to some people but I’ve learned from experience that ACTUALLY doing nothing puts my anxiety into a fever pitch.  Just think of all the things you have to do now that combined with the things you didn’t do while you weren’t doing them! THINK ABOUT IT DAMMIT!!!  So, I have to get something accomplished.  Also, I have to be able to look back at the day and say, “hey, that one fun thing I did…that was pretty cool.”  So there I was, not wanting to do anything but my wife kept nag, er, suggesting that it was a nice day and we should go to a beach-carshow-anythingdammit and the beach won.   The day ended up being – sleep late, go to beach, play volleyball with friends, delicious steak dinner, relax, go to bed.  I spent the day with my family, my anxiety got turned down to a low hum and it really did turn out to be a good day…which it usually is…if I could stop over thinking everything…dammit.

Recent food adventures

Obtaining your nutrition from restaurants sucks for three critical reasons.

1) It’s frickin’ expensive.

That’s right, and you can try to lie to yourself or justify it however you want but that’s the truth.  Not too long ago I compared the cost of eating meals out vs. cooking at home.  Now when you attempt to justify one off meals, the gap doesn’t seem that wide or may not even appear to exist.  If I went and got the stuff for one meal it might cost $50 from the grocery store and take 2 hours to prepare.  When you compare that to going to a restaurant that leaves you with $25 each (assuming I’m talking about dinner for two) and I’d say 60 to 90 minutes; a pretty standard outing.  The thing of it is, if I bought $50 of groceries I am probably going to make 10 servings for that.  The 2 hours it took me the first time may have resulted in sufficient food prep to make consequent meals in 5-10 minutes.  This still held true at lower price point foods.  If you think you can get a complete meal at McD’s for less than I can build with a little prep time…I will prove you wrong.  This even holds true for recreations of the restaurant dishes.  The cheapest meal I buy for lunch typically ends up at $5 (Cermak burrito bowl) although my preference is for meals that are more in the $10 range (Indian or Chinese buffet).  I can easily make something at home for $3 or less.


2) Nutritionally, it’s usually garbage.

Do I really need to explain this?  Almost everything has salt, sugar, butter, oil…whatever added to it.  Now, while I’m a fan of things like salt, butter and oil, they need to be used in moderation and for the most part the restaurant is going to be selling you on flavor not health benefits.  Ingredients that can be healthy when prepared properly, like beans (high in fiber and protein) are easily ruined; re-fried beans are terrible for you.  Things like a salad (healthy) can become pointless when slathered in dressing or paired with other un-healthy options (Ooooh, salad is sooooo gooood with this pile of breadsticks!).  Lettuce is not a fucking antidote.  You don’t get a free pass to eat like an asshole just because lettuce was involved.


3)Portion sizes are ridiculous.

You know that $5 burrito bowl I mentioned earlier? It’s probably two portions.  Most restaurant meals are two to three servings.  If you have the will power to eat half and box the rest, good for you.  At one point I was occasionally boxing half of my meal before I started eating.  The problem is that I usually forgot or ignored those options and just ate the whole damn thing.  I need to be served the exact amount of food that it’s okay for me to eat.  I can eat a meager turkey sandwich or a 20 oz porterhouse at about the same speed so portion size is critical for me.

Which brings me to this weeks meals:

  • Price – Made at home from ingredients we already had in the cabinet or fridge.  Let’s call these “found” ingredients so they were basically free.
  • Nutrition – All high fiber and high protein.  I focused on vegetables, moderate levels of whole grains and small amounts of meat.
  • Serving Size – Servings were split up immediately.  One for the wife, one for the hubby, two more in separate containers for lunch.  If they don’t go into separate containers immediately, somebody hesitates in the morning and the leftovers stay behind while we’re forced to eat expensive, un-healthy, over sized meals for lunch.

Now, tonight for dinner, we did go out.  There was some discussion and deliberation because of the price/nutrition/serving size issues.  So we compromised.  The final decision was yes, we were going to Kopp’s but we were going to split a meal.  1/2 a cheeseburger, 1/2 order of fries, 1/2 med root beer and 1 scoop of frozen custard.  I’m going to guess about 800-900 calories, which is a hell of a lot better than the 1600-1800 we would have normally each consumed.  The best part was that by the time we were done eating, I felt satisfied, not hungry.  As a bonus our total cost was about 12 bucks instead of the $24 we would have normally spent, which works out to $6 per serving.

Maybe we’re finally starting to learn something.

Oh, Friday.

As much as I enjoy spending hours trying to figure out critical cooling rates, pre-heat requirements and temper cycles for avoiding stress cracking in weld components, I was glad to be home from work.

Completely screwing off would be a great way to spend the weekend and don’t get me wrong, there will be some of that but the messed up seasons have pushed off basic requirements.  This thought had first occurred to me last night at 7:45pm while I was cutting the grass and trying to understand why my hands were numb.  It had started out as just pulling some weeds, then cleaning up old leaves and before I knew it I was cutting grass.  Just the backyard I said.  I couldn’t take the chance that anything would get blown back into the area I just cleared it out so I had to cut the shit out of everything.

Once I made a pass into the front yard I couldn’t stop cutting.  It was such a mess and it was the first time in a while I could actually tangibly feel something being accomplished.  I’m not just talking in the yard.  You know how sometimes you feel like all you’re doing is treading water on a daily basis?  Well sometimes, something as stupid as cutting the grass makes you feel like you’re making some progress.  I don’t think I’ve ever truly “enjoyed” cutting the grass but it honestly felt like something I couldn’t screw up, something that had to be done, something where there wasn’t a wrong choice.

Now I’m going to watch a movie and drink a beer.


Weight – don’t know keep forgetting to check but probably not good with the out of town open bar wedding last weekend, mother’s day caloric calamity and tonight’s all you can drink/eat/to go box luxury seats at the Brewer’s game.  Did I mention I’m going again tomorrow for a catered lunch?

Exercise – Other than my PT? minimal.  I did get some volleyball practice in yesterday night so that counts for something.  I mean, at least when you’re a total fat ass it’s a work out.

PT – The knee seems to finally be better because for one this was the first morning I’ve woken up after volleyball in years that I didn’t have incredible stiffness and pain in my knee.  I’m going to keep after the at home regimen because I don’t want to back slide.  I also asked for help with my shoulder flexibility.  Apparently it’s normal to struggle getting your shirts and sweaters on and off but I asked the therapist for some limbering exercises anyway.

Alrighty then, that’s the data dump for the night.  I have to go get some sleep in preparation of a long morning of eating bad, sitting at a desk and wondering why nobody has called me about posing in a Calvin Klein underwear ad.

Old person birthday party for boring people!

Don't even say it...
Don’t even say it…

Big crazy party?  I’m too old for that shit! Exotic booze and premium beers?  Get bent. You want wine that doesn’t have sediment floating in it?  Tough shit, bring it yourself.  That citrus flavored vodka you got me three years ago that nobody can use to make a proper drink?  Well guess what, now it’s in your white Russian!  Just try and drink that shit!  Fancy personally prepared cuisine?  What?!  I don’t have any god damn money for that crap, I’ve got a kid!  You’re getting some grilled bologna sandwiches!  Hand written invitations in the mail?  What are you retarded?  Why do you think we invented the internet?!  Invitations through e-vite?!  What are you retarded?  Who the hell still uses e-vite?  Colossal theme party complete with festive decorations?  How about I’m still wearing pants when you show up and there isn’t excrement smeared on the wall?  How’s that for a theme?!

Drinks: BYOB
Food: The cheapest gas station pizza I can find, probably something that’s been sitting on hot rollers. That’s right mutha-fucking rollers.
Entertainment: You can all gather round me while I drink myself into oblivion in the corner of my basement. I’ll be staring at the pages of my high school yearbook trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

If you’re reading this and you didn’t get a real invite…

don’t worry,




Now I have to go delete this rant from my actual birthday invitations.

A short story

  • I weighed in at 240 this morning.
  • I ate no more than what I needed all day and had tea or water instead of coffee.
  • Then I went and ate like a total douchenozzle at a mexican restaurant for Cinco de Mayo (really just an excuse to be a douchenozzle).


To celebrate my rampant stupidity and total lack of dietary control I have replaced my garage door with this totally bitchin’ one designed by  a fat loser.

I just need to cover the floor with shag carpeting and a polar bear rug.
I just need to cover the living room floor with shag carpeting and a polar bear rug.

Goodnight Milwaukee!