Monthly Archives: December 2013

Soooo tired

This post is obviously only to fulfill my obligation of posting something on Frida…god dammit.

Why am I doing this to myself?
Why am I doing this to myself?


Well, there goes that shit.

Why am I tired?

  • I work a full time job
  • I was working on home improvement shit
  • We started watching boring shit on YouTube
  • I’ve been drinking Mike’s hard root beer for the last few hours
Yeah, it looked something like that.
Yeah, it looked something like that.


Oh my god, I just fell asleep in the middle of writing this blog post.  This is really bad.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, decided to use plastic sheeting to create a vapor barrier in my basement.  I think we got some serious bang for our buck R value.  Man, it’s cozy down here now…in the 70’s and we shut one of the space heaters off.

I'd be almost finished right now if my basement even remotely resembled this.
I’d be almost finished right now if my basement even remotely resembled this.


Also decided to build a bar height game table out of plywood and PVC.  Why?  Well, because we’re big freaking nerds and we like to play board games.  I wanted to be able to play them standing because it takes up less space and it’s easier for people to move around.

See, wouldn't this be better standing?  Not us but what we really aspire to.
See, wouldn’t this be better standing up? Not us but what we really aspire to.


Dude!  We were talking about Dead Space sssssssssssssss earlier.  That game is crazy and I want to play the third.  I’m crazy for still typing right now…must go to bed goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


Going to the dentist like I’m cramming for a final.

“Oh god…that’s what I figured. I’ll be right back with ma’ dynamite!”

I could only dodge this bullet for so long.  It’s time, once again to go to the dentist.  Yes, it’s that happy time we schedule twice a year to let us know that while we may be adults, we are incapable of taking care of our teeth properly.

I’ve know it was coming for a while but I didn’t really worry about it until a week before hand.  I gradually started preparing but the last few days, there has been some intensive activity and some late nights.  That’s right, I’m cramming for the dental exam.

The old Chinese guy assured me that this would do the trick!
The old Chinese guy assured me that this would do the trick!

I knew brushing wasn’t enough but…but…flossing SUCKS!  That wasn’t going to be a good enough explanation for the hygienist so it was time to hit the floss hard.  Twice a day, extra detail work, longer brush times, more mouthwash, less coffee…ok not less coffee.  Finally I’m down to the wire, exam in less than twelve hours.  I’d probably perform better with some sleep but instead I went with a brush-floss-water pic-2nd round of water pic-water-mouthwash routine.  My teeth feel like they’re about to fall out of my head which I will take as an indication of success.  I’m sure when I wake up in the morning I’ll have to peel my pillow off of my face like some sort of massive gauze pad.  Do they make Neosporin for gums?

The dentist is sure to be impressed with my extra-cleaned teeth but may be a little dismayed that it looks like I’ve been going at my gums with 60 grit sand paper.  Hey, something has to give.

"By jove old chap!  I'd say he got them clean all right!"
“By jove old chap! I’d say he got them clean all right!”


Diet and Excercise trends…no seriously

 There will always be new diet and exercise trends out there, some good some bad.  I’ve tried many ways to keep myself motivated and active while eating a healthy diet; it’s never easy.  There are many ways to succeed or fail when approaching healthier living habits but this article outlines some of my favorites:

I’m a big fan of some of the trends that they discussed.  Fun runs and playground workouts are a great way to get motivated about exercise and share it with friends or family.  I’ve definitely tried to get more veggies in my diet and having a couple vegetarian meals a week can certainly help you start moving in the right direction. 

This guy’s been following my work out plan…or maybe he just ate at the chinese buffet.

On the other hand some of the trends are ridiculous. Special diets that have no scientific basis or validity are not new, but there will always be new names or designs.  Driving yourself too hard or using ridiculous gimmicks/equipment are good ways to waste your time and money or even worse end up injured or dead.  One of my biggest pet peeves is the “hot workout” trend.  I tried it myself just because I was interested in what all the excitement was about.  I can safely say that after two sessions of Bikram yoga that I was mortified at the conditions in which these classes take place.  There is little to no real scientific benefit to sweating out two liters of water in a one hour session.  It was like working out in a sauna.  My gym clothes were so soaked that you might have thought I just climbed out of a hot tub.  I could barely breathe during the workout and all I could think about was how stupid it was to do rigorous exercise while putting yourself in an environment that encouraged dehydration.  People die from that kind of shit.

I told him not to go to Bikram yoga but he said, "Hey, I have a free pass!"  Poor bastard..
This was the guy next to me performing an advanced pose of “upward facing corpse.”

 Whatever you do in the next few weeks of social gatherings and holiday parties, make sure to maintain a strong defense.  High calorie food will be everywhere and in massive quantities.  Everyone will be looking for you to fall on the “last scoop of mashed potatoes” grenade.  Don’t be a hero.  Eat small portions frequently and try to include some healthy stuff.

You also need to step up your offense.  Stay active, whether it’s going to the gym, hanging christmas decorations or shoveling the driveway you have to stay on your toes.  Consider moving some of your social activities in front of a game system like the 360 Kinect, where you have to move around.  Instead of going to the bar to bullshit with your pals, go to a rock climbing gym and then recover with some lo-cal sub sandwiches.  Do a winter fun run dressed up like elves or Santa Claus.

Take it from twofatlosers, keeping yourself healthy may be the best holiday gift you can ask for.

Why don’t I just go to bed?

I’ll tell you why, because there’s just too damn much stuff to do.  The problem is that I’m really tired so I basically don’t have the energy to do really important stuff, no, I basically just putter around looking up stupid crap on the internet.  Projects that I probably won’t see through for some time take precedent over mundane tasks that would be better accomplished immediately.  Oh, those boxes that need to move out of the hallway?  I can do that at any time so I’d better research this home improvement project that I have no intention of starting anytime soon.  The cleaning that needs to happen before we start getting holiday guests?  I’d better just investigate purchasing a new home theater set-up instead.



Dear Christmas, get off of me already.


  • Buying Presents – The internet was supposed to make this easier, right? NO. It has now presented us with an infinite number of options and feedback.  You can basically go through your gift recipients entire list of gift ideas and shoot them all down based on 2 bad ratings out of 1274 on; “That’s funny, cuz the thingy didn’t work right when I tried it and I threw it out and never tried again so I guess we’ll never know what was wrong with it.”
  • Winter Weather – My relationship with winter weather is…well, did you ever see Fatal Attraction?  It’s like I want to take Winter’s bunny and put it in a pot of boiling water!  Wait…no that doesn’t make any sense if you’ve ACTUALLY seen Fatal Attraction.  I want to drown Winter in a bathtub.  Actually I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen Fatal Attraction.  How about this?  I like snow if it stays where it belongs (not on my driveway, sidewalk, vehicle or road) but there really isn’t anything else that I’m looking forward to from this weather.
  • Cleaning/Straightening for the holidays – This is probably the worst offender right here. 90% of the year we are content to live in our ridiculous self induced locally produced episode of Hoarders.  The difference is that when the lights come on the people from Hoarders don’t scatter like cockroaches, they stare like deer.  Oh, first we try to convince ourselves that our friends and relatives understand and they don’t really care if it’s a mess.  Then at the last minute the cold bright light of reality shines on us and we realize that if we don’t take that pile of old nail clippings out of the closet and pour out the jars of urine, we’ll be carted off to crazy town…or at least stop getting invited to parties.

Well, off to bed.  I’m sure I’ll manage to ruin someone’s holiday by forgetting to do some dumb thing in time.

I don’t have time for this crap right now.

No, I mean, literally, this crap…I don’t have time for this crap.

Sometimes the holidays make you go crazy and you just want to murder people and it’s like,  “Hey, didn’t I used to like this time of year?”  I thought we were supposed to look forward to this and be having fun!?

Remember folks, the presents and all of that bullshit aren’t really what matters.  What matters is friends, family and spending time with loved ones.  Unless that’s the shit that’s driving you nuts, in which case stick to the commercialized garbage and focus on gifts, reindeer and shamrock shakes…or whatever flavor Christmas is.

In other news we have a recent increase in readership!  Now there were SIX new spam messages waiting for me in our inbox and TWO of them were in Hebrew!

Peace out fools.