Monthly Archives: May 2014

Recent food adventures

Obtaining your nutrition from restaurants sucks for three critical reasons.

1) It’s frickin’ expensive.

That’s right, and you can try to lie to yourself or justify it however you want but that’s the truth.  Not too long ago I compared the cost of eating meals out vs. cooking at home.  Now when you attempt to justify one off meals, the gap doesn’t seem that wide or may not even appear to exist.  If I went and got the stuff for one meal it might cost $50 from the grocery store and take 2 hours to prepare.  When you compare that to going to a restaurant that leaves you with $25 each (assuming I’m talking about dinner for two) and I’d say 60 to 90 minutes; a pretty standard outing.  The thing of it is, if I bought $50 of groceries I am probably going to make 10 servings for that.  The 2 hours it took me the first time may have resulted in sufficient food prep to make consequent meals in 5-10 minutes.  This still held true at lower price point foods.  If you think you can get a complete meal at McD’s for less than I can build with a little prep time…I will prove you wrong.  This even holds true for recreations of the restaurant dishes.  The cheapest meal I buy for lunch typically ends up at $5 (Cermak burrito bowl) although my preference is for meals that are more in the $10 range (Indian or Chinese buffet).  I can easily make something at home for $3 or less.


2) Nutritionally, it’s usually garbage.

Do I really need to explain this?  Almost everything has salt, sugar, butter, oil…whatever added to it.  Now, while I’m a fan of things like salt, butter and oil, they need to be used in moderation and for the most part the restaurant is going to be selling you on flavor not health benefits.  Ingredients that can be healthy when prepared properly, like beans (high in fiber and protein) are easily ruined; re-fried beans are terrible for you.  Things like a salad (healthy) can become pointless when slathered in dressing or paired with other un-healthy options (Ooooh, salad is sooooo gooood with this pile of breadsticks!).  Lettuce is not a fucking antidote.  You don’t get a free pass to eat like an asshole just because lettuce was involved.


3)Portion sizes are ridiculous.

You know that $5 burrito bowl I mentioned earlier? It’s probably two portions.  Most restaurant meals are two to three servings.  If you have the will power to eat half and box the rest, good for you.  At one point I was occasionally boxing half of my meal before I started eating.  The problem is that I usually forgot or ignored those options and just ate the whole damn thing.  I need to be served the exact amount of food that it’s okay for me to eat.  I can eat a meager turkey sandwich or a 20 oz porterhouse at about the same speed so portion size is critical for me.

Which brings me to this weeks meals:

  • Price – Made at home from ingredients we already had in the cabinet or fridge.  Let’s call these “found” ingredients so they were basically free.
  • Nutrition – All high fiber and high protein.  I focused on vegetables, moderate levels of whole grains and small amounts of meat.
  • Serving Size – Servings were split up immediately.  One for the wife, one for the hubby, two more in separate containers for lunch.  If they don’t go into separate containers immediately, somebody hesitates in the morning and the leftovers stay behind while we’re forced to eat expensive, un-healthy, over sized meals for lunch.

Now, tonight for dinner, we did go out.  There was some discussion and deliberation because of the price/nutrition/serving size issues.  So we compromised.  The final decision was yes, we were going to Kopp’s but we were going to split a meal.  1/2 a cheeseburger, 1/2 order of fries, 1/2 med root beer and 1 scoop of frozen custard.  I’m going to guess about 800-900 calories, which is a hell of a lot better than the 1600-1800 we would have normally each consumed.  The best part was that by the time we were done eating, I felt satisfied, not hungry.  As a bonus our total cost was about 12 bucks instead of the $24 we would have normally spent, which works out to $6 per serving.

Maybe we’re finally starting to learn something.

Oh, Friday.

As much as I enjoy spending hours trying to figure out critical cooling rates, pre-heat requirements and temper cycles for avoiding stress cracking in weld components, I was glad to be home from work.

Completely screwing off would be a great way to spend the weekend and don’t get me wrong, there will be some of that but the messed up seasons have pushed off basic requirements.  This thought had first occurred to me last night at 7:45pm while I was cutting the grass and trying to understand why my hands were numb.  It had started out as just pulling some weeds, then cleaning up old leaves and before I knew it I was cutting grass.  Just the backyard I said.  I couldn’t take the chance that anything would get blown back into the area I just cleared it out so I had to cut the shit out of everything.

Once I made a pass into the front yard I couldn’t stop cutting.  It was such a mess and it was the first time in a while I could actually tangibly feel something being accomplished.  I’m not just talking in the yard.  You know how sometimes you feel like all you’re doing is treading water on a daily basis?  Well sometimes, something as stupid as cutting the grass makes you feel like you’re making some progress.  I don’t think I’ve ever truly “enjoyed” cutting the grass but it honestly felt like something I couldn’t screw up, something that had to be done, something where there wasn’t a wrong choice.

Now I’m going to watch a movie and drink a beer.


Weight – don’t know keep forgetting to check but probably not good with the out of town open bar wedding last weekend, mother’s day caloric calamity and tonight’s all you can drink/eat/to go box luxury seats at the Brewer’s game.  Did I mention I’m going again tomorrow for a catered lunch?

Exercise – Other than my PT? minimal.  I did get some volleyball practice in yesterday night so that counts for something.  I mean, at least when you’re a total fat ass it’s a work out.

PT – The knee seems to finally be better because for one this was the first morning I’ve woken up after volleyball in years that I didn’t have incredible stiffness and pain in my knee.  I’m going to keep after the at home regimen because I don’t want to back slide.  I also asked for help with my shoulder flexibility.  Apparently it’s normal to struggle getting your shirts and sweaters on and off but I asked the therapist for some limbering exercises anyway.

Alrighty then, that’s the data dump for the night.  I have to go get some sleep in preparation of a long morning of eating bad, sitting at a desk and wondering why nobody has called me about posing in a Calvin Klein underwear ad.

Old person birthday party for boring people!

Don't even say it...
Don’t even say it…

Big crazy party?  I’m too old for that shit! Exotic booze and premium beers?  Get bent. You want wine that doesn’t have sediment floating in it?  Tough shit, bring it yourself.  That citrus flavored vodka you got me three years ago that nobody can use to make a proper drink?  Well guess what, now it’s in your white Russian!  Just try and drink that shit!  Fancy personally prepared cuisine?  What?!  I don’t have any god damn money for that crap, I’ve got a kid!  You’re getting some grilled bologna sandwiches!  Hand written invitations in the mail?  What are you retarded?  Why do you think we invented the internet?!  Invitations through e-vite?!  What are you retarded?  Who the hell still uses e-vite?  Colossal theme party complete with festive decorations?  How about I’m still wearing pants when you show up and there isn’t excrement smeared on the wall?  How’s that for a theme?!

Drinks: BYOB
Food: The cheapest gas station pizza I can find, probably something that’s been sitting on hot rollers. That’s right mutha-fucking rollers.
Entertainment: You can all gather round me while I drink myself into oblivion in the corner of my basement. I’ll be staring at the pages of my high school yearbook trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

If you’re reading this and you didn’t get a real invite…

don’t worry,




Now I have to go delete this rant from my actual birthday invitations.

A short story

  • I weighed in at 240 this morning.
  • I ate no more than what I needed all day and had tea or water instead of coffee.
  • Then I went and ate like a total douchenozzle at a mexican restaurant for Cinco de Mayo (really just an excuse to be a douchenozzle).


To celebrate my rampant stupidity and total lack of dietary control I have replaced my garage door with this totally bitchin’ one designed by  a fat loser.

I just need to cover the floor with shag carpeting and a polar bear rug.
I just need to cover the living room floor with shag carpeting and a polar bear rug.

Goodnight Milwaukee!