Dear Christmas, get off of me already.


  • Buying Presents – The internet was supposed to make this easier, right? NO. It has now presented us with an infinite number of options and feedback.  You can basically go through your gift recipients entire list of gift ideas and shoot them all down based on 2 bad ratings out of 1274 on; “That’s funny, cuz the thingy didn’t work right when I tried it and I threw it out and never tried again so I guess we’ll never know what was wrong with it.”
  • Winter Weather – My relationship with winter weather is…well, did you ever see Fatal Attraction?  It’s like I want to take Winter’s bunny and put it in a pot of boiling water!  Wait…no that doesn’t make any sense if you’ve ACTUALLY seen Fatal Attraction.  I want to drown Winter in a bathtub.  Actually I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen Fatal Attraction.  How about this?  I like snow if it stays where it belongs (not on my driveway, sidewalk, vehicle or road) but there really isn’t anything else that I’m looking forward to from this weather.
  • Cleaning/Straightening for the holidays – This is probably the worst offender right here. 90% of the year we are content to live in our ridiculous self induced locally produced episode of Hoarders.  The difference is that when the lights come on the people from Hoarders don’t scatter like cockroaches, they stare like deer.  Oh, first we try to convince ourselves that our friends and relatives understand and they don’t really care if it’s a mess.  Then at the last minute the cold bright light of reality shines on us and we realize that if we don’t take that pile of old nail clippings out of the closet and pour out the jars of urine, we’ll be carted off to crazy town…or at least stop getting invited to parties.

Well, off to bed.  I’m sure I’ll manage to ruin someone’s holiday by forgetting to do some dumb thing in time.

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