Diary of a mad man

6AM – Wife says she’s going to work. Listen for the baby.
7AM – Huh? What…what’s that noise. Not my alarm. Go back to sleep.
7:30AM – Huh…stupid alarm. Wait…that’s not my alarm…oh baby right dammit.
7:31AM – I should put on some clothes…something anyway and then go get the baby.
7:32AM – Okay, got him…buhhhhhhht, I forgot to go to the bathroom. Out of the crib into the playpen kid.
7:35AM – I gotta get this kid some breakfast before he goes ballistic.
8AM – Man can this kid eat.
8:15AM – Now Dad is gonna go crazy if he doesn’t eat.
8:30AM – Ok. now we should be cool for a while.
8:31AM – Holy crap he’s getting into everything.
8:35AM – Seriously…we want to teach him to walk???!!!
9:30AM – So when the kid is climbing on something precarious and trying to get his hands on breakables, the trick is to just grab the kid.
9:45AM – It’s like spinning plates right now.
10AM – Bottle and a nap…sounds great; too bad it’s for the kid.
10:10AM – I should probably try to get some exercise as long as I’m watching TV.
11AM – I’ve done soooo many pushups…I’m down to sets of ten. I’m going to stop when I fail 10.
11:20AM – Ok, I think I could do 10 at a time forever.
11:30AM – I cheated by doing shorter rest periods. I hate push ups.
11:31AM – Yay for 60 rep curl sets. Maybe I need more than 5lb weights.
11:42AM – Annnnd he’s up.
11:45AM – Oh dear god. I shouldn’t be able to smell him before I get in the room.
11:47AM – I might need to phone a friend. This is a two man diaper.
12:00pm – Food time!
12:05PM – Um…he’s done?
12:10pm – Maybe his teeth hurt and he just needs some medicine.
12:15pm – He didn’t fight me on the medicine but now he still won’t eat his food.
12:20pm – Okay, maybe I’ll grab some lunch and by then he’ll be ready to eat.
12:21pm – Well now he’s going insane. I’ve had it. I’m going to choke down my lunch, he can stay in the high chair.
12:30pm – Out of the chair and now he’s fine.
1:10pm – Ok000000000000-agaeabh- it’s official, I can’t even pick up my laptop and get logged in before he has his hands on the keyboard.
1:11pm – That’s it. Sentenced to life in the pack and play with no possibility of parole.
1:40pm – I think I just zoned out for about 30 minutes.
1:45pm – Diaper change.
1:50pm – Logan goes for a walk around the house (assisted of course).
2:10pm – Mom’s home!!! Dad is off the hook!

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